Take this fucking loneliness anymore.

It just hits me at the worst times. It was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of my life; seeing one of the most planned-out projects I've ever worked on become reality... and then it hit me like I was a deer caught in its headlights. I couldn't tell them that it wasn't because I was so happy that everything turned out all right, or that all this success was just making me emotional. It was really all because I was so fucking lonely that I wanted to die.

And why can't I? Just die, I mean. I don't think anybody ever really understood the extent of my loneliness. It's been gnawing at me since God knows how long. I can't even believe my friend never even suspected that I was depressed all throughout high school. I wonder if people thought that I was posting all those things on my blog for attention, when I really just had to let things out before the point came in which I couldn't support myself anymore.

I just can't.

And I can't even talk to anyone about this. I don't think anybody understands what it feels like to be truly lonely. They all assure me that happiness and company will all just come one day, and all I have to do is wait. But they don't understand that all I've ever wanted is someone to talk to... but there's nobody there. All they can say about that is my standards are too high.

But that's the thing. They just don't understand. And how can you really pour out your feelings to people who don't understand how fucked-up it is to be so lonely in this goddamn world?

I just... I want to die.