Well that's fucking great; I can't sleep.

I told you I was a bitch.

Guess you never really understood that (to be honest, I don't think I fully did, either, not until this happened). Well now you do. I am an insensitive, self-righteous bitch and I hate myself for saying that to you.

I'm not going to pretend I like it that you cheated, but I would never judge you for that, simply because I did the same thing too. I didn't mean to imply that you were a bad person, because you're not. You just aren't. And fuck, no matter what I feel, I had no right to say that anyway. You can go ahead and beat me up over this but I think this is sufficient enough for me to say that it is the worst New Year ever. Bad start to 2013. And I guess I ruined it for you too, huh? Sorry seems like such a stupid thing to say after this has already been done.

Now I don't even know how you feel about the whole helping you study thing. I'm doubting if it's okay with you or if you've just been hiding the fact that you hate it. If it makes you feel like I'm looking down on you or anything. I'm not, you know, but that's a very weak statement when you're already mad at me.

Gosh, you're mad at me.

It only makes it worse that I love you so much already. I love you to insanity and I'm going crazy even just thinking about your anger and I can't fucking sleep with this stuffy nose. I look like an aswang. Haha, it's kind of funny, but I really can't laugh because I'm so down. I would cry too (and I do) if a friend got mad at me, but you're not just my friend. And that's why I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I hope you know that I love you, okay? That deep down beneath this bitchy, immature exterior I really do love you and I can't stop just like that. And it honestly breaks my heart that you'd leave in the middle of a fight and sleep, because I could never sleep knowing that you're mad at me. I'm tearing myself to pieces crying. I just can't rest.

I'm sorry.

I really, really, am.

I'm sorry for making that fucked up statement and I'm sorry for ruining the first few hours of this year for you. And I'm sorry for making you feel that way because as much as it hurts me that you're hurt, I don't think that matters more than the fact that I was the one who made you feel that hurt. I'm sorry that you're angry, and I'm sorry you had to go to sleep tired of me.

I'm so sorry.